Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
