in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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