You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
