did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
