tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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