I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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