Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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