since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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