I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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