It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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