Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
