he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
