I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My breasts were aching with rage.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
