even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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