put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
