she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize