I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
