Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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