TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
