I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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