I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
