sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
