Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize