I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
