just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
