Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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