Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
