Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
