i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Drake has all the answers
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
