Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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