so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
