The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
