Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This is the high leading the old right now
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
