You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
