Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
