dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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