I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We need to get me chipped asap
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