So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
