Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize