awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
be right there i have to get my cape
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
