his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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