There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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