Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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