We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
