Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
