I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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