dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
