You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think my moral compass just broke
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
