Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize