mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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