I heard we made out
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
