so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
