dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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