I love black thongs
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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