i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
