I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
