look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
