Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
