Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
