dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
