I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize