I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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