I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
