yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
