Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
