i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
