i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
