You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
