Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
