Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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