I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize