I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
