Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
