smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
