I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
