Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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