She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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