He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
