she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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