I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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