Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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