mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
