Sponge bath it is.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize