I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
