i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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