I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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