you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
