I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
