Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
