I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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