In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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