My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Drunk is not a location!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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