Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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