I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
