Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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