I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just high enough for therapy.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
