my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Everclear isn't food dammit
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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