Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
