I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize