We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
