dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
