his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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