epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
