i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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