you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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