turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
