giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
