Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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