It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
are you so shy because you have an std?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize