My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
