She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
