i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize