but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
