I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize