There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
